The Old Poops Club

<Oct. ‘07>

URGENT JOB POSTING!!

Help Wanted:

Old poops to bring new…well, old…blood and … energy??...to membership in Old Poops club that is seeking to halt planet-saving activities from taking root. Age no barrier! (“Old Poopism” is often apparent even in very young persons. It is more a function of personality than of age.)

Qualities Being Sought:

  • Rigid, straightline thinking; no new ideas, pullese!!
  • Slavish adherence to patriarchal principles such as entitlement, hierarchy, the inalienable right of certain groups (e.g. males, white people) to run the show/hog the whole pie, etc. etc. (Note: Some women are as addicted to patriarchy/hierarchy as some men… This is definitely an “equal opportunity” opportunity!)
  • Frequent utterances such as “But we’ve ALWAYS done it that way” and “If the government says it’s okay, then it must be okay!”
  • Slavish obsession over the appearance of one’s person, one’s house and especially one’s lawn
  • An incapacitating horror of dandelions on one's lawn
  • Excessive employment of tools such as leaf-blowers, whipper-snippers, lawnmowers, sprinklers, etc.
  • Tendency toward minimization – if not outright denial – of serious environmental problems and stubborn, systemic social problems
  • Addiction to denial, secrecy, lies & entitlement
  • Utter lack of regard for the young of the planet, who are to be left with the consequences of rampant denial, stubborn patriarchal ways, terminal consumerism and old poop-ism itself.

Now – some “old poops” are really relatively harmless old (or young) coots.

Others are actually downright venal and evil – and do things routinely that directly cause grievous harm and even death and destruction to human beings and the environment (certain now-ex-U.S. Presidents come quickly to mind, along with certain corporate hotshots whose dealings leave their hands deeply stained with blood).

The old “old poops” have nothing to lose – they are already living on large incomes and/or safe (probably indexed) pensions. Young “old poops” are run off their feet on those treadmills invented by Homo Industrialus – running, running, running to keep up with the virus of greed & desire that eats up Homo Sapien/Industrialus from the inside out – shouting daily “More, more, more!” (thanks to endless advertising and media haranguing).

With life expectancy currently running at 83 for the average North American female and 78 for the average North American male, recruits for the Old Poops Club are fairly readily available.

Please help spread the word!!

If we’re not careful, humans may become infected with the frightening virus of hope, inspiration, energy and caring for the Earth and its many threatened species (Homo Industrialus among them) – and actually TAKE ACTION!?!?!?!

The need for new Old Poops is an URGENT priority!!