Christmas List: Dear Santa

Dear Santa:

(or, well, God/Goddess/Great Spirit/Creator/the Universe…take your pick…)

Hey! It’s a week before Christmas 2010 as I write this. I guess it’s a bit late to be sending you my Christmas wish list, but…here it is! I got thinking today about some things I could really make use of, so here goes, oh-spirit-of-generosity-that-we-call-Santa-Claus.

  • Please give me the skills/ability to deal better with all these blasted “elephants in the room.” The darn elephants keep crowding in everywhere I go, it seems!! And me unfortunately not the most skilled or diplomatic elephant-handler... Please send me some fairy dust I can sprinkle on myself to help me rassle better with all the elephants.
  • Please help me not to be petty!! I’ve been noticing a slight tendency toward pettiness lately, & it isn’t pretty. More fairy dust, please!
  • Please help me to not recycle anger/hurts/resentments/pain, & to not take my anger out on some innocent victim who happens to come along & “get in the way.” Is there some special ointment I can use for this or something??
  • Please wave your magic wand (or fairy dust) & help me to always navigate with the greatest possible class & sensitivity through the endless cloud of divorce fallout. It’s been 15 years, Santa, & it’s still hard! Sometimes I still act (& feel) like a bit of a baby, & I could really use a little help here too (mostly, Santa, because divorce fallout falls disproportionately on the heads of our children, the innocent “civilians” in the divorce “war.”)
  • Please help me to always remember that other people function as a mirror for me, & that the things that drive me crazy in others invariably or at least often carry an important message for me. Instead of being annoyed with people over petty stuff (see above), please remind me to “get the lesson” in every encounter by looking in the mirror to see what it is that’s really bugging me (& if it’s my own insensitivity/selfishness/self-loathing lurking underneath, please help me to rassle with it!).
  • Please sprinkle me with fairy dust when I get all bent out of shape over something & am about to go off half-cocked or blow up at someone – & remind me to take a time-out, & breathe, & get calm & ask myself “What is this REALLY all about???” – & if it’s that I am angry because I feel hurt, remind me that striking back will not make anyone feel better, or improve the overall situation (or the world’s!?).
  • Please help me to find the right moments at which to say the difficult things that come up with the people I love, & to say them in a calm & sensitive & loving way.
  • & to not “ascribe intention” to other people’s errors, as I was coached in one of those Art of Living workshops I took…(we all do & say lots of dumb stuff from time to time. I shouldn’t assume people mean to do or say the hurtful things…)
  • & to recognize that fear & hurt (& maybe guilt??) are beneath so much of what happens here on Planet Earth, & that my own fears & hurt (& guilt) only add to the overall noise & confusion if I don’t take the time to articulate & understand & heal them, &
  • Please also help me to always be mindful of the great privilege of my own existence here on Planet Earth, & to understand that, when I exercise some skill with non-judgment & compassion, & not “making other people wrong,” that winds up being a gift not just to others, but also to me, &
  • Please help me to operate as much as humanly possible from a place of gratitude, rather than a place of grasping, &
  • To remember to use my words with care, & that “Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift.” <Margaret Lee Runbeck> &
  • To remember always that my purpose here (I think) is to be a good friend/mother/lover/worker & to help make the world a better place, & also to help create the conditions whereby continued human existence is actually fostered, & not get all caught up all the time in thinking “Everything is all about ME.
  • &, in other words, too, always remembering that “The personal is political” & that everything is also connected, so everything I do needs to contribute in a positive way & my personal growth & healing contribute to the world’s growth & healing, &
  • also always mindful that my efforts to be a good mother to my children are super-important, because if I do a good job as a mother/parent, this circulates out in a positive way to the world, & it also helps me as an individual to feel fulfilled & contented & loving & loved…(deciding not to have children is a very fine decision, of course!!! Perhaps even a rather wise one, in the world of today!? You understand that I am not advocating parenthood here; merely parenthood handled well);
  • & hey, Santa man, this is SUCH a long list, & I do apologize, but there are just 2 more things I’d like to ask you for...
  • A book about animal tracks (or a gift certificate so I can buy a book about animal tracks), ‘cos when I’m on my walks in the woods I see these neat little tracks in the snow that I am very curious about, & knowing more about the critters would be kinda cool, & finally,
  • If there is a really, really nice/good man in that great big gift bag of yours, it would be really cool to fall in love just one more time – with a man who can handle the whole of crazy old me – with all my convictions & neuroses & passion & activism & determination to “change the world,” & although I hate to be too picky, I do need to also ask you to (please) send one who will not feel the need to indicate to me all the time that I am not quite “enough” for him (or maybe that I am “too much”??) & finally, please do not send me one who (probably unconsciously) needs me to “look good” for him so that I can make him “look good” – or one who needs me to be sophisticated, ‘cos I can’t seem to “do” sophisticated (I think that gene must have been left out), although I can do quite a bit of other pretty good stuff, I think….

I know I'm asking for rather a lot, dear Santa. It’s a long list for a person who knows I’m already about as wealthy as a person can possibly be, since “Your wealth is where your friends are” (Plato), & my friends are numerous & awesome & all over the place…

But I also want to keep on kicking as much butt as humanly possible before it’s time to check out, & all these things I’m asking for will help me do that, so…thanks in advance Mr. Man in the Red Suit, & hey!………God bless us all!!

Janet

P.S. & here is a lovely & wise thought you can pass along, Dear Santa: “The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring.” ~ F.H. Bradley