Messy

Funny, that. I want to write about messiness (the word “messy” has been nagging at me for days), & I want to be “neat” – writing about messiness!

:)

Not sure I’ll be able to pull that off. I do not have a nice neat outline in front of me, nor in my (messy) mind. I’m just going to put it all down (messily, I suspect) – & see where we get to.

To start with, I think some of us think life – our own life – if not the life of the world, exactly – is meant to be neat. Tidy. Organized. “Under control.”

Pretty sure I used to subscribe to this notion.

Ha!

As if!

The messiness of my current personal life (which admittedly did have a surprisingly orderly, tidy phase, once upon a time, many years ago now) is profound.

My relationships are messy.

My apartment is messy, desk is messy; closets & drawers are messy

My thoughts, my mind: ditto. Messy.

 

But you know?

The world is messy. Very very very very very messy indeed.

& that’s putting it excruciatingly politely.

 

Messy, messed-up, & getting ever more so by the day.

 

How could I, or anyone, remain neat & tidy & contained

In a world that is soooooo very very very drunk & disorderly??

***

I just got back from a “messy” walk. I got lost – but then I often get lost on my walks in the woods. So far, at least, I have a 100% rate of getting found, or rather, finding myself, so, you know, whatever….

(When I get “lost” it’s inevitably because I’ve chosen to go off “the path” – but Shoot! My entire life has been a going-off-the-path affair.

& I’m not sure how much we learn when we stay on the straight & narrow, as it were – the predictable route life (or more usually, someone else) has laid out for us.)

** It’s early December as I write this – December 6th, to be precise.

I’ve always found Christmas/December/the whole season to be an emotionally messy time of year.

Shoot!

Not just messy, positively an emotional stew.

Can’t say I enjoy the messy Christmas emotional stew I seem to invariably get into at this time every year

But, oh well

It just is what it is … right?

(I think I’ll re-post my Christmas 101 posting from a few years back – I think it summarized relatively coherently some of my messy thoughts about the emotional roller coaster that is Christmas for some of us here on Planet Earth.)

Well.

Faithful readers of this blog (if such an animal exists, heh heh :) ) know I’m fully 200% convinced the HR (human race) is staring down our very own extinction in the not-likely-so-very-distant future, now.

As a fellow member of a “doomer” Facebook group to which I belong has put it, how could we (any of us) be anything other than a “swirly mess” in the midst of the swirly mess that is human life on Planet Earth at this time?

I mean … really??

We need to have compassion, I think, plenty of compassion – for ourselves, at this uniquely challenging & messy time in human history – & for everyone around us. Here we are, alive at this unprecedented time, for mysterious reasons we may not really quite be able to grasp or understand.

Gotta Be.Here.Now, gotta be grateful, gotta be good to the people we love, & all those we encounter – if at all possible, hmmmm?

Singing in lifeboats!

Janet

p.s. the wonderfully wise & compassionate Buddhist nun, Pema Chödrön, says in my so-loved little “The Pocket Pema Chödrön” (a very fine Christmas stocking item indeed, I’d say, for anyone still into stuffing Christmas stockings), in entry # 18 – No happy ending:

“I don’t know why you came here, but I want to tell you right now that the basis of this whole teaching is that you’re never going to get it all together.”

Whoa! I love it, & I love it every time I read it over again. It’s so irreverent, it’s so shocking, so realistic, so …. true!

Big sigh of relief…

:) :) :)

 

We really cannot rassle our lives into orderliness, dear human.

Not because we have failed.

It’s simply the nature of the beast!

RELAX - nothing is under control

These truly are extraordinary, EXTRAORDINARY times in which to find ourselves alive on Planet Earth.

:) :( :) :(

‘Quote of the day’ with this post, on nothing being what we thought: “The trick is to keep exploring and not bail out, even when we find out that something is not what we thought. That’s what we’re going to discover again and again and again. Nothing is what we thought. I can say that with great confidence. Emptiness is not what we thought. Neither is mindfulness or fear. Compassion – not what we thought. Love. Buddha nature. Courage. These are code words for things we don’t know in our minds, but any of us could experience them. These are words that point to what life really is when we let things fall apart and let ourselves be nailed to the present moment.” – Pema Chödrön in the chapter ‘Intimacy with Fear’ in When Things Fall Apart – Heart Advice for Difficult Times