Conversation vs. Advice

So, I already wrote the essay about how & why I think conversation is the WDKE (whole darn karmic enchilada). Here.

My take hasn’t changed. I really do see conversation as pretty much the be-all & end-all.

It’s magical.

It’s transformative.

A conversation always has its own unpredictable energy & direction. It’s organic; it flows… & it’s so very, very satisfying.

You can’t make it go where you want it to go – unless you are a control freak, & if you’re a control freak, 2 things:

  1. I am sooooooo sorry!! (I think that can’t be much fun for you, not really. :(  )
  2. You are a conversation STOPPER. The opposite of a facilitator of conversations. Okay. 3 things
  3. If you can possibly-possibly-possibly get some help & STOP being a control freak, please-please-please GO FOR IT. Your life will improve. I guarantee it. Get out of prison … as it were.


Try adopting the mantra “Don’t panic, it’s organic!” &/or “I don’t have to figure that out right now.”

Stop trying to figure everything out all the time! It can’t all be figured out anyway, or even if you can “figure it all out,” you still can’t control it! Life will keep on happening & running & leaping over the fence & the boundaries we set up, & simply running riot & outside the box on all of us…

& oh dear, I always get going when I start thinking about control freak-ism & how it has ruined us all…

& all I really meant to say was this:

Conversation beats advice all to hell.

In a conversation, you figure out stuff together.

Nobody “lording” it over anyone else.

A cooperative, collaborative, circular kind of a deal.

You see?

:) :) :) :)


'Quote of the day' + some bonus relevant quotations:

“The cultivation of a stance of invulnerability robs men of a wisdom known to most women in this culture – that people actually connect better when they expose their weakness. Linguist Deborah Tannen, analyzing women’s ‘rapport talk’ versus men’s ‘report talk,’ found that a vital component of conversation between women was what she called ‘trouble talk’ – inviting the listener in by opening up one’s own points of vulnerability. Finally, to the degree to which a man learns to ‘be strong’ and to devalue weakness, his compassion toward frailty not just in himself but also in those around him may be limited or condescending. In this and many other ways, the loss of expressivity and the loss of vulnerability inevitably lead to diminished connection with others.” – from I Don’t Want to Talk About It – Overcoming The Secret Legacy of Male Depression, by Terrence Real

“Energy always flows either toward hope, community, love, generosity, mutual recognition, and spiritual aliveness or it flows toward despair, cynicism, fear that there is not enough, paranoia about the intentions of others, and a desire to control.” ~ Michael Lerner, quoted in The Great Turning – From Empire to Earth Community, by David Korten

“There is only one courage, and that is the courage to go on dying to the past. Not to collect it, not to accumulate it, not to cling to it. We all cling to the past, and because we cling to it we become unavailable to the present.” – Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

“Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong. Sometimes it’s letting go.” – Sylvia Robinson

“It’s one of the secrets of the world. We all have the key to one another’s locks. But until we start to talk, we don’t know it.” – Michael Silverblatt, host of KCRW’s ‘Bookworm’ radio show