<November 2014> I’m in Toronto, Ontario (Canada) – Canada’s largest city, a city I used to love to hate (but that goes back soooo many decades now, it qualifies as ancient history by now)
& it’s 11:15-ish PM
& I’m riding along Queen St., on the (so-iconic) Queen streetcar
after a meeting followed by a lovely long beer & yak session with an awesome friend (& fellow activist)
& you have to understand: I have a long (now-38-year) & complicated history with this city – too long to go into; we don’t have all night!?
& for some inexplicable reason (or maybe 50 or 100 inexplicable reasons?), it really is complicated
I’ve come to feel wildly comfortable in this city – wildly at home – & if you only knew my whole story you too would find it puzzling & weird, & I wish I could lay it all out, but Geesh, it’s a longgggg story & we don’t have all night!
& even though sometimes I really feel as though I will DIE, or stop breathing this very second, if I cannot get out of this city, out to some isolated, private, quiet place of earth & water & trees – times I long viscerally for earth & silence & trees & owls hooting & lake/river/river rapids &
This is where I belong, now.
Didn’t see it coming
Could never have predicted it
It took me by surprise!
Me & everyone who knows me
This. Now. Is where I belong
I love this city.
I’m not saying I understand it
It’s a bit of a mystery
Mystery with a capital M
Soooo good to feel
So at home
(after 4 years doing a wandering gypsy gig)
I am grateful!
Grateful & more than a little surprised.
p.s. bear in mind, I DO have a longstanding history with this city, Toronto – pre-dating my birth, even, actually, now that I come to think of it... (parents lived here, siblings born here, etc., you know...)
I have friends, & family, & fellow activists, here. I live near the lake & boardwalk, where I walk pretty much daily, in a great neighbourhood. Great city. Great area. Great apartment? Well, you know what they say. Location, location, location.
p.p.s. & you know? I have lived in country & town, & in other cities. One town so small it was/is technically considered a “hamlet.” & yes, happy as a clam, there, for 22 years! & out in the country, another place, pretty isolated. Loved that too. Loved living in the small town where bears routinely come into town (stunning stunning town, that one, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, & the river???? To die for….).
Right now? Moth to the flame? Who knows? It’s right, right now.
Fiddling while Rome burns? Hardly. Nero, I am not.
(I am NOT fiddling...)