Time Out: Urgent Message to Male of Species!!

So, crazy stuff going on all over the planet – as usual.   Not as usual, exactly, the Canadian Prime Minister whom many of us love to hate (as it were; or just …. dislike passionately??) seems to be doing a little war-mongering lately.

He is not alone! I find many members of the species somewhat trigger-happy these days.

Can’t just be February fractiousness – it’s almost April already!


Quick reminder:

"Time-outs" are a super-useful method for de-escalating conflicts.

Used them all the time when my children were small. Their Dad & I were inclined to think bopping them was probably not the best way to teach them not to bop each other & anyone else.

So we used time-outs. Sent them to sit on the stairs in the hallway, say, for 5 minutes or so, ‘till they (& the relevant sibling & we ourselves) could calm down.

Time-outs don’t always work, of course. I know this. I’m not as dumb as you may think. 

They don’t work when the parties involved are just plain spoiling for a fight.

In order to protect the names of the innocent (& the guilty) I won’t say much about how asking for a time-out hasn’t always worked out in my own life. Been there & done that, for sure.

Eckhart Tolle sure understands this stuff. His concept of the pain body helped me “get” why sometimes calling for a time-out is just plain not going to work.

Seems to me right now almost as though the global “pain body” is kind of peaking. I’m wondering.

Dudes: we have enough problems on the planet (slight understatement here) without the male of the species going around shooting off guns & bombs & things for no apparent reason. Far as that goes, even if there is an apparent reason, wars don’t ever seem to solve much … do they?

Please. Let’s learn de-escalation tactics, everyone. Pretty please?

The daze ahead promise to be pretty bloody challenging on every front I can think of.

Let’s not all be going to war at the drop of a hat, shall we? 


p.s. Eckhart Tolle on the pain body: just bloody brilliant. Do some Googling & watch some other ET YouTubes. They are worth your time! (I did a blog posting called ‘Tolle Tutorial’ ; the other day I had yet another one. So glad I did .)

p.p.s. Calvin Sandborn & Terrence Real for amazing insights about male anger/depression/violence & the patriarchy underlying it all.

p.p.p.s. Pema Chödrön on handling all of life’s challenges. Her wee book The Pocket Pema Chödrön that I blogged about here is tremendously helpful, practical & even funny at times! I still have the recurring desire to buy a cartonful & distribute them hither & yon.

‘Quote of the day’ with this post: “The world needs a new weapon: the estrogen bomb. Imagine: you drop it on an area of violent conflict, and men throw down their guns, hug each other, apologize and say it was all their fault, and then start to clean up the mess.” – from the UTNE Reader -- Original from THE GUERRILLA GIRLS, activist artists

A Few Others:

“The cultivation of a stance of invulnerability robs men of a wisdom known to most women in this culture – that people actually connect better when they expose their weakness. Linguist Deborah Tannen, analyzing women’s ‘rapport talk’ versus men’s ‘report talk,’ found that a vital component of conversation between women was what she called ‘trouble talk’ – inviting the listener in by opening up one’s own points of vulnerability. Finally, to the degree to which a man learns to ‘be strong’ and to devalue weakness, his compassion toward frailty not just in himself but also in those around him may be limited or condescending. In this and many other ways, the loss of expressivity and the loss of vulnerability inevitably lead to diminished connection with others.” – from I Don’t Want to Talk About It – Overcoming The Secret Legacy of Male Depression, by Terrence Real

“If ever there comes a time when the women of the world come together purely and simply for the benefit of [hu]mankind, it will be a force such as the world has never seen.” – Matthew Arnold, quoted in Utne magazine

“I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only one who has seen its brutality, its futility, and its stupidity.” – Dwight Eisenhower, in a speech in Ottawa, 1946

“Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower

“Government is the Entertainment Division of the military-industrial complex.” – Frank Zappa

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – The Dalai Lama

“Any fool can learn from his own mistakes; a wise man learns from the mistakes of others.” – Otto von Bismark, Chancellor of Germany

Thomas Merton said it best: “Do not depend on the hope of results. You may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect. As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. You gradually struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything.” (quoted by Carolyn Baker in her book review of the Guy McPherson book Going Dark)

“If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don’t have to worry about answers.” – Gravity’s Rainbow, Thomas Pynchon, 1973

“It’s one of the secrets of the world. We all have the key to one another’s locks. But until we start to talk, we don’t know it.” – Michael Silverblatt, host of KCRW’s ‘Bookworm’ radio show

** tons of pithy, inspiring quotes gathered up in the ‘Quotation Central!’ section of the blog